Parents who understand the importance of play often ask me for help with their young child’s play dates. Their child wants to choose every activity regardless of whether their friends like it. Here are my top 5 tips!

1. Model and scaffold play before the play date.

Children benefit from playing with adults, and from being taught how to play new games. When the adult gets down to their level to engage in pretend play, they extend their child’s thinking. This is also a great opportunity to teach the three phases of play: setup, play, and cleanup. Spending too long on setup takes away from time playing the game, but failing to allow time for cleanup is unfair to whoever will have to clean up later.

2. Don’t join in the play date.

Once you’ve modelled and scaffolded play with your child in advance, let them apply their skills with a friend independently. Try very hard not to engage with them in their play. If the guest’s parents stay during the play date, the grownups can enjoy a coffee in another room.

3. The guest gets first pick, but not every pick.

Explain to your child that we want to make friends feel welcome in our home. We let the guest choose the first activity, but then we take turns. Parents can help with turn-taking if necessary, and should remind their child to go along with their friend’s choices. My social behavior students learn about following a group plan and thinking about others. This is a great way to strengthen those skills.

4. Create a play date plan.

If you notice that the kids can’t decide what to do, try coming up with a playdate plan. Explain to them that it is fair to take turns choosing the games to play. They need to learn to share ideas and connect their ideas in a game. Ask the guest to pick the first activity, explaining that they both need to play each other’s choices. You can provide two or three choices if decision-making is hard for them. For example, Mark might choose soccer as the first activity. Then Mario picks playing Uno. After snack time, they play Lego (Mark’s choice) followed by cars (Mario’s choice). Assign a time limit to each activity, and write the plan down so that everyone can remember it. Provide a warning when each time slot is nearly up. It’s OK to be flexible on timing if the activity is still going well.

5. Limit playdates to 2 hours or less.

Kids thrive in a structured environment. Limiting the length of a play date makes it feel more action-packed and also helps kids to control their behavior more easily. Of course, as kids grow up, play dates can become longer.

Hi, I’m Stacey!

Since 2010 I've helped kids, teens, and adults with social, academic, and behavior challenges.

I'm passionate about helping people to break through their social limitations to improve their lives. 

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